Temptation
by A Star In My Universe
Summary: Lorna Muccio has everything she'd ever dreamed of - a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby and a perfect life. So when a certain blonde turns up again, why can't she resist the temptation? Nichorello.
1. Chapter 1

A raven haired toddler ran around her legs, the smell of baking wafting through the apartment pleasantly. Not a hair out of place despite the flour covered brightly patterned apron, Lorna looked like she'd just stepped out of 1950s edition of _Good Housekeeping._ "Ooh," she murmured quietly as the oven timer went off. She smiled at the wide eyed little girl watching her curiously as she peered inside the oven, switching it off once she was satisfied they were golden brown, just like the recipe book said. "Looks like the cookies are done!"

As she placed the baking tray down on the counter, the loud trill of the doorbell interrupted her state of domestic bliss. The baby in the corner of the room wailed at the sudden awakening, and Lorna's hands were full as she bounced the baby on her shoulder whilst herding the older child with her to the front door.

"Who's come to see us, hmm? We don't usually get visitors." Lorna's tone was upbeat, but there was a heaviness in her voice despite the smile. She opened the door, expecting it to be Franny who'd forgotten her keys, or the jerk her sister had married, and almost dropped the baby in surprise when a different, but equally familiar face stared back at her.

The toddler stared up at the stranger, suddenly shy, and hid behind Lorna's legs. The stranger gave her a little wave, flicking the ash from her cigarette onto the hallway floor. Her gaze flickered back up to Lorna's open mouthed stare. "Aren't you gonna invite me in, doll?"

 _Nicky._

Her lips mouthed her name, but no sound came out. Instead, Lorna nodded wordlessly, ignoring the tiny tugs on the hem of her dress. She stepped aside, steering the small child out of the way. "Oh, you can't smoke in here. It's in the lease...plus, you know, the baby," she explained. It was like she was talking to a stranger. So stilted, almost painful to _not_ fling herself into Nicky's arms.

"Oh," Nicky said, almost disappointed with the lack of any real response. With one final drag on the cigarette, she nodded amicably. She stubbed the cigarette out. "Sure thing."

Lorna absentmindedly rubbed circles in the baby's back, trying to quiet both his snuffles and her own whirring thoughts. After not so subtly checking her makeup in the mirror behind her, Lorna placed the now calm baby down, staring down at him in his bassinet.

Nicky threw herself down onto the couch, her feet aching from the walk over. The toddler eyed her suspiciously. "Hey, kid. What's your name?"

The sound of Nicky's voice kicked Lorna into reality once again. She turned to face Nicky and placed her hands on the little girl's shoulders. "She's shy," Lorna explained apologetically. Seeing Lorna smile down at the tot made Nicky's stomach flip. She looked so motherly, so content. Was she about to ruin things? "Her name's Aurora."

"Like the princess?" Nicky asked, one eyebrow raised. An impish grin lit up her features. "I guess you always did believe in fairytales." She looked around the room. It certainly looked like Lorna was living the dream - at least, _her_ dream. Husband, house, babies. Nicky's eyes settled on the bassinet. One baby was a wakeup call, and she was half hoping Lorna had realized that she didn't really love Vince when she'd had Aurora, but the baby in the corner was a stark contrast to Nicky's hopes. "What about the baby? You and Vince _have_ been busy."

Lorna sat down next to Nicky, pulling the toddler onto her lap. "It's a beautiful name," she said indignantly. "And the baby's not mine. He's Franny's little boy, Luca. I just look after him while she's at work."

"Oh," Nicky said after a moment. The lack of Vinny was obvious, but Lorna didn't elaborate, and Nicky didn't ask. Instead, Lorna just nodded.

"Listen, Nicky, let me put Aurora to bed and we can talk. You only got out, what, a week ago?" Lorna asked. Like she hadn't been counting down the days on her calendar. Like she hadn't marked off every day until the day last Thursday came, and like she hadn't tried to get over the disappointment when she didn't show up at her door on Friday. Not everyone had been as lucky as she had been when she was granted early release upon learning of her pregnancy. Nicky certainly hadn't been, and had served the rest of her prison sentence alone.

Nicky nodded. "Okay," she agreed. "I'll wait."

* * *

Lorna snuggled into Nicky's side. The smell of her hair permeated her air space and to her surprise, it left her almost choked up. She had forgotten what it felt like to feel so safe, to feel loved. She pulled the sheet up under her arms as she played with Nicky's hands. She smiled as she entwined their fingers together; their hands fit together like a puzzle piece. What a day.

Nicky laughed. "Why does us _talking_ always end up like this?"

Lorna shrugged, not caring that her hair was a mess and that her lipstick was smudged beyond repair. "I don't know. It's better with a bed, though," she giggled. She looked up at Nicky, who stared out of the window wordlessly. "What are you thinking about?" Lorna asked, her eyes flickering up to try and catch Nicky's vacant gaze. Nicky looked down at the girl curled into her side and offered her nothing but a quirked eyebrow.

"Freedom," Nicky admitted. She sniffed and broke eye contact, instead electing to stare out of the window at the sun setting over the city.

"Yeah?" Lorna asked, a half smile creeping onto her face. "It feels good, doesn't it?"

"Hmm," Nicky said flatly. She might have been out of prison, but she still wasn't free. As soon as Litchfield had released her, she'd run right back to one of her many vices. With a long drawn out sigh, she comforted herself with the fact that at least spending the night with Lorna wouldn't get her ass thrown back in jail. "Yeah," she said finally. She rested her head against Morello's head and breathed in the smell of her perfume. "It does feel pretty good." Nicky said. "So does watching the sunset. I missed the world in there."

"The sunset?" Lorna asked. She glanced out of the window and saw that dusk was falling rapidly over the city. She gasped and flew to the window. "Vinny….shit, Nicky, you have to go!"

"What are you talking about?" Nicky asked lazily from the bed. Her head rolled on the pillow to the direction Lorna had run to. "Are you joking?"

"No, you have to go," Lorna insisted, shoving a bunch of previously abandoned clothes to Nicky's bare chest. Her messy hair flew around her head, a stark contrast to the perfectly pinned hairstyle she'd worn only hours ago.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Nicky exclaimed. She sat up in the bed, shaking her head. "Seriously?"

She flung herself across the room, white knuckles appearing as she clutched the window frame. "Vinny's gonna be up any minute, I can see him. _Please,_ Nicky - just get out!"

Nicky's eyes widened. "You are serious!"

"Of course I'm serious, Nicky!" Lorna tore her eyes from the window and pulled at Nicky's arm, making attempts to shove her sweater back over her head.

"Cut that shit out!" Nicky protested, snatching the sweater back and throwing it easily over her own head. She shimmied into her skirt but made no attempt to leave. She stepped into her shoes, still aghast. "You're fucking crazy!"

Lorna's face wore a pained expression. "I've been told," she whispered, her eyes still glued to the window. "You don't understand, Nicky, it's not that I don't-"

"I understand fine!" Nicky snapped. "Like always, you've gotta be there for Vinny. Forget about me, as usual. Just don't come crying to me when it all ends in you doing something crazy. I don't need a murder conspiracy rap."

Lorna felt her words like a punch to the gut. She didn't meet Nicky's eyes as her own filled with tears. Instead, she just handed her the jacket that had ended up thrown on the floor. "You need to go," she repeated. She stared at the floor. "Please just go."

As Nicky stormed out, Lorna pinned her hair back into place. She stared at her own face in the mirror, feeling disgust at herself as she touched up her makeup. When Vinny burst through the door with that " _honey I'm home_ " smile, he couldn't see through her mask like Nicky would have.

"Vinny!" Lorna exclaimed as he came in the door. Looking past him to see Nicky scurrying down the hallway, a pissed expression on her face, Lorna slammed the door shut and embraced him in a kiss. "How was work?"

"Work was good," he laughed. "Did you miss me that much?"

Lorna forced herself to smile. "It's just hard, being at home with the kids…" she trailed off.

Vinny nodded uncomfortably. He always hated talking about feelings, especially bad ones. "What happened to your dress, honey?" Vinny asked. Lorna cast her eyes down on herself, and saw a bright red stain on the mint polka dot pattern around her neckline.

"Oh," Lorna said, covering the lipstick stain with her hand. "It's...it's tomato sauce. The baby must have dropped some on me," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears at the thought of involving her little girl in her web of lies, and at how easily the lie had tumbled from her lips. "I'm so sorry, Vinny."

"Hey," Vince laughed, pulling his wife in for a hug. He kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. Aurora probably had fun." He smiled fondly at the thought of his little girl and his wife.

"Yeah," Lorna said softly. "But you saved up for months so that I could afford this dress." An acid rain of guilt poured down on Lorna as her husband simply rubbed circles in her back. He was a good man, she reminded herself, as she shied away from his touch.

"I know. But I'll get that promotion and you can have every dress you want." He laughed. "Well, within reason. Babies are expensive too." Lorna rested her head on his shoulder. He always said what he thought she wanted to hear, but he never got it right. Lorna pushed away the feelings of guilt and of resentment. "Don't be sad, honey. I love you."

Lorna nodded, burying her nose into his shoulder. "I know you do."

 ** _A/N:_**

 ** _Hi, lovelies! I hope you're all doing well.  
Please tell me what you thought in a review. Who's looking forward to the new season?!  
Stay safe and happy_**

 ** _\- Star xo_**


	2. Chapter 2

_Rain poured down in the dead of night. Lorna's swing dress was soaked through and felt five pounds heavier due to it, but she didn't feel weighed down - far from it, in fact. Lorna giggled as Nicky span her around on the sidewalk. Neither of them cared that their hair was plastered to their face or that mascara ran down their cheeks._

" _Did you miss me, Lorna?" Nicky asked, pulling her close. She pressed her forehead against Lorna's and stared into her warm brown eyes. Lorna didn't even feel the rain beating down on her bare back. She only felt Nicky's warm hands on the small of her back, only felt her hair tickling her neck. She breathed out, her lips dangerously close to Lorna's. "I missed you, doll."_

" _Of course I missed you," Lorna confessed. She clumsily pushed the hair from Nicky's eyes. "I thought about you everyday," she said guiltily. She snorted a laugh. "I even told Vinny about you. That's why you couldn't stay, you know...you're like Mickey Mouse."_

" _What?" Nicky laughed. Her teeth were starting to chatter in the cold and wet conditions, but she didn't care - as long as Lorna was next to her, she'd never care about anything else._

" _Well, you see those ears anywhere, you'd recognize them. There's not many girls with that hair and accent, you're pretty unique. He'd have known, Nicky...and then he'd know about what we did. You understand, right?"_

" _Of course I understand," Nicky said, and Lorna beamed at the instant forgiveness. "I love you, kid." Their eyes met once again, and Nicky slowly leaned in…._

Lorna woke with a start to the sound of a baby crying. She groaned once she realized she was still in bed instead of out in the pouring rain somewhere with no responsibilities, no worries...and, she realized as the baby continued to scream, no baby to tend to.

She hauled herself out of bed. Vinny stayed asleep next to her, his soft snores filling the room. He looked so peaceful, serene in sleep. Lorna ground her teeth together. It infuriated her that he could sleep through anything. Franny was at work already, and she was happy to take care of her nephew, but it was _Vinny_ who had volunteered her to be chief, cook and bottlewasher.

As she padded quietly out of the room, she felt stabbings of guilt at her resentment. He was a _good_ man, but sometimes she resented every breath he took. She knew it wouldn't be long before Aurora was up as she changed the baby's diaper and fed him his morning bottle, and her whole day would start again - and it would be just like the previous day, and just like the next day. Her life felt like groundhog day but with more diapers and tantrums.

In an apartment not too far away, Red poured a cup of coffee and slid it to her most troubled child. "So," Red began, raising her eyebrows. "Are you gonna talk to me this morning, hmm?"

Nicky snatched up the coffee cup, bringing the sweet liquid to her lips. Her cheeks burned as she remembered the dramatic storming to her room that happened the previous night but she gave a haughty shrug. Murmuring in appreciation of the caffeine, she gave a sideways glance to Red. "If I have to," she said. A smile crept onto her face.

Red chuckled softly as she poured herself a cup. "If you want me to make breakfast, then yes, you have to."

Nicky rolled her eyes. Since leaving prison, her handle on household tasks had slipped somewhat. She hated cleaning, despised cooking, and rarely loaded any laundry. If Red wasn't there to pick up the slack, Nicky would never have any clean clothes, would spend every penny she made on takeout, and would have rats crawling in the containers she left all over the place. As much as Red pretended to hate it, she did like having someone to take care of again.

"I went to visit Lorna," Nicky confessed. She chipped away the eroding pattern on her now empty cup. "She had a little girl," Nicky said begrudgingly, knowing Red had wondered if Lorna had delivered a boy or a girl.

Red smiled, but it was tainted - she felt happy for Lorna as she imagined a little mini me running around, but her heart broke for Nicky. "I bet she's gorgeous," Red said.

"She is," Nicky admitted, a smile even gracing her features as she thought of Lorna's brown eyes on that little angelic face. "She doesn't look like her father - thankfully," she added.

Red sipped her coffee. "So it didn't go well, then?"

"You could say that." Nicky swilled the dregs of coffee left in the cup around. "She kicked me out once Vinny got home."

Red's brow creased. "Why?"

Nicky smirked. "We might have fell back into old habits."

"Nicky," Red sighed. "She's married. You had to know she wouldn't want to introduce you to Vinny, didn't you," she said softly.

"Being married didn't stop her before he was home," Nicky replied sourly.

Red reached out and squeezed Nicky's hand. "You have that effect on people, it seems. No-one can resist your charms." Red chucked under Nicky's chin. She was joking, of course, but it did make Nicky smile. "That's what I like to see. Smile more, honey. If it's meant to be, you'll find a way to make it work."

Lorna sat at her breakfast table. A cup of tea sat in front of her, growing colder by the minute as she fed her daughter forkfuls of pancake. Despite her melancholy, even Lorna couldn't resist smiling as her daughter opened her mouth like a little baby bird, begging for another bite of her favorite breakfast food.

With her other hand, Lorna typed on her laptop. When she typed in _Nicky Nichols,_ an Instagram account popped up on her screen. "Ah-ha," she murmured, clicking on the link and opening it up. Nicky's face stared back at her, her smirk instantly recognizable.

Lorna was about to scroll through her photos when she heard footsteps behind her. She slammed the laptop lid closed and turned to face Vinny, who stood holding the baby at the door frame, just dressed for work. "The baby was starting to cry again," he explained, passing him to Lorna. "What were you looking at?"

"Oh, nothing." Lorna said. She patted the baby gently, her mind wandering far away from the confines of her tiny kitchen.

Vinny grabbed the laptop before she could stop him, and came face to face with Nicky's photo. "She doesn't look like nothing."

Lorna tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, swallowing guiltily. She smiled at Aurora who looked at her worriedly. "I was just having a look."

He snaked his hands around Lorna's waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. "That's her, isn't it?" Lorna didn't reply, and he didn't need one. "I thought we were leaving your past just there, honey - _in the past."_

Lorna nodded. "I know, Vinny, sweetheart...I was just looking," she repeated. "I know you don't like to think of me like that," she sighed. He always said it broke his heart to think of her locked up and behind bars, but it was a part of her past she didn't want to lock away forever. It shaped her for good, and she met nice people there, people she didn't ever want to forget. Still, it made Vinny unhappy, so she promised to leave it - and them - in the past.

Vinny kissed her cheek gently. His focus went to the baby in Lorna's arms and he stroked his cheeks. It made Lorna smile to see him so gentle with her nephew; Vinny adored kids, and he was good with Aurora. "Doesn't he make you want another one?"

Lorna baulked at the suggestion. "Vinny, Aurora isn't even two."

"Well, I know, but it would be nice to have a houseful of the little rugrats. Didn't ya enjoy having siblings around?"

Lorna sighed inwardly. She knew Vinny was desperate for a son. When Aurora was born, he was over the moon - but he grieved for the son he'd imagined for nine months. "Maybe once Aurora is older."

Vinny grinned. He could always get round Lorna, and they both knew it. He grabbed his bag and coat, and kissed his wife one last time. "I'll hold you to that."

Lorna smiled until the door slammed shut, when she rolled her eyes. "Don't I know it," she said through gritted teeth. She wrenched the laptop lid open with the hand that wasn't holding the baby and started scrolling.

Nicky stood outside of the coffee shop she'd grown to love. She worked there now, and though it wasn't the job she really yearned for, she liked the flexibility and her colleagues. More than that, though, she liked the freedom of earning her own money. When she was younger she had every credit card she could have possibly wanted, and knew the cost of everything - but the value of nothing.

Nicky bit her thumbnail. Yesterday's encounter had really thrown her, and she hated that Lorna still had such power over her. Her shift had ended a half hour ago, and she was due to meet Red later...but she had time to kill - and she knew exactly where to get the one thing she craved more than anything in the world.

Lurking around the next corner, a dark figure watched Nicky. A black hood concealed their face, but their eyes were trained on Nicky.

She walked quickly down some side streets, keeping her head down. After a short walk she was back at some old haunts of hers, and she felt the wad of money in her jean pocket. The hooded figure power walked behind her.

"Nicky! Long time no see, eh?" A guy around her age yelled to her. His face was worn and weathered but he looked happy to see her. "Where you been?"

Nicky fought the urge to laugh. Clearly no-one told him about her rap sheet, and she certainly wasn't going to, either. "Eh, here and there," she replied noncommittally. "You still dealing?"

The hooded figure bit back a gasp. Their hands, balled to their side, resisted the urge to grab Nicky and run.

The dealer lazily raised an eyebrow, nonplussed. "Straight to the point as always."

Nicky laughed gruffly. "I'm a busy woman. Just get me the stuff and I'll be on my merry way, you get me?"

"I get it," he said easily. He reached into his pocket and held up a baggie of white powder. "Something for old time's sake?"

Nicky shrugged, and reached a hand out to grab the baggie he was offering midair. "Sounds great to me." Their hands almost exchanged drugs and money before the hooded figure stepped forwards, knocking the baggie to the ground.

"Nicky, no!"

The dealer, spooked by the sudden intrusion, grabbed the baggie and made off in the opposite direction. Nicky was spooked herself, and held her hands up in defence.

The hooded figure stepped forward, and pulled off her hood. Lorna stood in front of Nicky, her cheeks burning but eyes filled with tears.

"How the fuck did you know I'd be here?" Nicky yelled. Lorna's interruption had frightened her, if she was honest, and now she knew who it was, she was pissed. Not only had Lorna rejected her, but she'd prevented her from getting a much needed fix.

Lorna didn't have an answer. Panic was rising in her throat, and she definitely wasn't going to reply that she'd been noting down every location Nicky frequented according to her social media all morning. Her breath caught in her throat, and she shook her head.

"I have to go," she said quickly, pulling her hood up over her head. Her power walk turned into a jog, and her jog turned into a sprint as she ran all the way back to her mom's house. Her thoughts echoed Nicky's name as she made small talk with her mother and picked up the kids. Her thoughts would _always_ echo Nicky's name.

A little later, Lorna slowly opened the door to her apartment, both of the kids in tow, and stopped to face the music awaiting her in the form of Vinny.

"Lorna, thank God," he said as she walked in. He picked up Aurora and kissed her cheek. "Where have you been? I've been looking for you. It's not like you to leave the kids and disappear."

Lorna chewed the inside of her cheek as she placed the baby carrier down gently. "They were fine at my mom's. I didn't abandon them."

"I know, honey," he said softly. "Are you...are you struggling again?"

Lorna flinched. "What?"

He reached behind him, producing a pair of lacy purple panties. "I found these under the bed."

Lorna stared at the underwear he held in his hands, and leapt forward to grab them out of his hands. Images of Nicky stripped down to only the panties flashed through her mind, and she tried her best to shake them from her brain.

"So?" Lorna demanded angrily.

"You didn't have these before," Vinny stated. "We can't afford Victoria's Secret underwear, you know that."

Lorna's face flushed scarlet. Forgetting about the children in the room, Lorna threw the underwear on the floor next to Vinny. "How the _fuck_ do you know anything about women's lingerie brands, anyway?" Jealousy was bubbling at her surface, which even she knew was ridiculous.

He ignored her raging temper. "Because you wanted them for Valentine's Day, and we couldn't afford them," he said. "Are you buying things online again?"

"No!" Lorna insisted. She hesitated. "If...if you _must_ know, I was at the doctor's today. Coming off of the pill. I thought the underwear would be a nice surprise," she lied easily. "It was on sale. I promise I didn't steal them." At least that part was true, she thought.

"Oh, Lorn…" Vinny said, his voice surprisingly soft. "You really want to have another baby?"

Lorna hid her reluctance with a smile. "Of course I do. Or, I _did._ Maybe there's not enough trust in this relationship to add another baby just yet."

"Come on, Lorna...I'll make it up to you," he grinned. "I'm so glad you're not struggling again," he murmured into her neck. "Hows about we try out your new purchase?" He gestured to the floor, where the panties were balled up. Lorna tried not to look guilty as she stared down at them.

"No," she said immediately. She looked up at his hurt face, and she knew he blamed himself. "No," she repeated. "They'll only remind us of this fight. Let me throw them out. We don't need fancy things, do we?"

Vinny smiled. "No," he said, pulling her close. "Not if we have each other."

 _ **A/N:**_ _  
_ _ **Hiya lovelies! Thank you so much for your reviews on the last chapter - I appreciate every single one.**_

 _ **Let me know what you thought in a review and let me know what you'd like to see in the future.**_ _  
_ _ **If you're ever looking for fics to read, I have a couple to recommend!  
Firstly, for those Nichorello fans - check out Valley of Sorrow by CoffeeWritingAddiction.  
It is amazing and I highly **__**recommend**_ __ _ **you give it a try, you won't regret it!  
And if you're looking for something really different, then try Keep Me Safe by**_ _ **vausesandspanishharlem. It's so unique and has so many characters in it, you'll love it.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Lorna closed the bathroom door behind her, shutting out the noises that, as a little girl, she thought she'd love to hear in her home. Her sister laughing. Her husband playing with Aurora. Her little girl, who once had been _so wanted,_ squealing in delight as her daddy tickled her. But now all of those noises reminded her of all she had - and, she was ashamed to say, all she regretted - so shutting them out was the only way to maintain her sanity.

Every moment she'd spent with Nicky over the past few weeks - even the ones where the blonde had berated her for making her miss out on her last fix, or the fact that they had to sneak around - had been breathtakingly refreshing. For Lorna, it was like finally breathing in fresh air again after being in a burning building. She got to escape from life. From her husband. From her sister. Even - though she felt terrible for saying it - her daughter.

That wasn't to say she didn't adore her daughter. She _did,_ she would trade her life for Aurora's if it came down to it. But it wasn't easy breezy like she'd imagined. It wasn't all goodnight kisses and dainty dresses, it was hard work. The tears poured down Lorna's cheeks. Silently, of course, as she was hyper aware of every person outside of those walls. Ripping a tissue from the Kleenex box, she blotted roughly at her tearstained face. All crying would do was smudge the makeup she'd spent so long on this morning.

Lorna scraped her hair back into a bun and exhaled an unsteady breath. She reached into the paper bag she'd had tucked under her arm, a product of her " _walk"_ from this afternoon. From it she pulled a small cardboard box, and then she unboxed that. A pregnancy test stared up at her. Inhaling a deep, grounding breath, she pulled the test from its packet and shoved the box back into the paper bag. There was no way she was leaving the packaging around for anyone to find.

After following the instructions, Lorna placed the test down on the edge of the sink and waited. Three minutes seemed to pass by like three years, and she bounced her leg in anticipation. She picked up the test after the allotted time, and upon seeing the little window, it felt like her blood turned to ice.

Tears blurred her eyes once again, but she found that she couldn't stop them this time. _Positive._ She did two more tests. _Positive. Positive._ The word flashed through her mind like a neon sign. Hot and angry tears replaced the small sobs that had wracked her body previously. She was more than just shocked and upset - she was incandescent with fury, she was pissed with Vinny….she was devastated. She cried until her voice was hoarse. Every ounce of energy went to her weeping, and when she couldn't cry anymore, she threw up into the toilet that she'd been sitting on.

Yes, she loved her daughter...but she didn't want another one. Another tie to Vinny. If she had to tell the truth, she'd scoop up her daughter and rush out the door to be with Nicky if there was no fallout. And she'd been more than tempted a couple of times. But now...her hands shook as she held the flimsy plastic - now, everything had been ruined.

The sight of her crimson face in the mirror startled her. When she went to prison, it had been the worst blow of her life. She didn't know what to do; the rug had been pulled out from under her. But right now it felt like her whole world was going to be pulled out from under her. Taking a deep breath, she splashed her face with cold water. She was starting to feel minutely better when there was a frantic banging on the door.

"Mommy! Mommy!" The sound of her little girl's voice echoed outside the door.

Lorna opened the door to her daughter and smiled when she saw her dressed up as a princess. Stooping down to her level, she planted a kiss on her head. As she applied her mascara, she glanced at her daughter in the mirror. "You look so pretty, my little princess."

"Mommy's pretty!" Aurora said, little hands clawing at Lorna's skirt. As always, she wanted to watch her mother apply her makeup more closely. Lorna picked up her daughter, holding her on one hip as she applied her lipstick with her free hand. Aurora caught Lorna's hand as she went to put the lipstick away. "Do me!"

Lorna chuckled softly, tweaking Aurora's button nose. "No!" Lorna said through a smile. "You don't need makeup, sweetie."

Aurora pouted. "I want it!"

"Well," Lorna sighed, putting the lipstick away. She stroked her daughter's wispy hair. "We don't always get what we want."

"Why?" Aurora wriggled in Lorna's grip, kicking her legs, upset at being told no. Lorna put her down next to her and held her hand instead, leading her into the lounge. "It's no fair!"

"Nope," Lorna sighed. "The world is a shit place." Then, as if remembering she was talking to her two year old, covered her mouth. "Oops. Don't repeat that, and don't tell Daddy."

"Don't tell Daddy what?" Vinny asked, a smile on his face. Lorna transferred Aurora's hand to his and threw him a small smile back.

"Nothing, hmm, princess?" Lorna winked. "Can you look after her for a bit? I need to lie down."

"Of course," Vinny said, tickling Aurora but looking at his wife with concern. The little girl's giggles cut the tension in the room. "Are you okay?"

Lorna swallowed. "I'm fine," she said. Franny caught her eye from behind Vinny, raised eyebrows showing her suspicion. "Just a little tired."

"Do you want anything?" Vinny said. "I can rub your back-"

"No," Lorna said, a little too forcefully. Vinny stopped in his tracks, and Franny glared at Lorna from behind him. Lorna rubbed her head. "I just need to sleep and...be alone."

When Lorna turned to leave, Franny followed. She didn't care that Lorna rolled her eyes. Lorna, meanwhile, ignored her sister behind her and climbed into bed.

Franny sat on the edge of Lorna's bed. She crossed her legs and leant over towards her little sister. "Lorna, you've got to stop this."

"What?" Lorna asked wearily, not sitting up. She felt a wave of nausea but pushed it down, and hugged her pillow closer. "Got to stop _what_?"

"Acting like this!" Franny threw her hands up. "This," she gestured around, a concerned look on her face, "is everything you ever dreamed of, Lorn."

Lorna sighed. "Well, maybe I dreamed about the wrong things." Her mind flitted to Nicky, whose face consumed her mind in both her waking and sleeping hours, and wondered why she'd ever given her up. Instead of saying that, she shrugged at Franny despondently. "I don't know, Franny," she whispered. "I'm just not happy."

Franny pushed Lorna's hair back out of her eyes gently, but that was as far as her sympathetic act went. "You think mom and dad were happy?"

"What?" Lorna asked. If her parents had been anything growing up, it was probably miserable. "No, of course I don't."

"Exactly. But they stuck it out, didn't they? For you. For all of us." Franny sighed, coming to a stand. "Is Aurora not worth that to you?"

Lorna flinched like Franny had slapped her. "Aurora is my everything!"

"Well, start acting like it," Franny said. She shook her head. "You're her world. She deserves better."

Lorna nodded against her pillow. Tears welled in her doe eyes, but she blinked them away. "I know," she whispered.

Hours later, when he finally joined her in bed, Vinny trailed kisses down Lorna's cheek, then started on her collarbone. She shrugged him off, the feel of his touch a reminder of everything that went wrong. When he persisted, she gave him a rough shove. "I'm not in the mood," she said. She could just see the hurt look on his face without even looking at him, and he rubbed her shoulders.

"You okay, babe?" He asked. Lorna stayed lying on her side, and shrugged. She couldn't bear to look at him.

"It's that time of the month," she lied. She held her hand to her stomach, willing herself to feel something for the life growing inside. She bit her lip and then sat up in bed. "Actually, I'm gonna run to the chemist to grab some things."

"I can go, if you're not feeling well," Vinny offered. He glanced at his wife, a worried expression marring his features. He was the perfect husband...in theory.

"No!" Lorna said, scrambling to her feet. She looked at her husband guiltily. "You always get the wrong ones," she said. And then, feeling bad that she sounded rude when he just wanted to help, she reached over and stroked his face. Regardless of what happened, he was her husband and she'd grown up knowing you stuck by your husband no matter what. "Thank you for offering, though, honey. Listen out for our little sleeping beauty, won't ya?" She smiled weakly.

Vinny smiled back, his grin as genuine as always. "She'll be out like a light."

As soon as the front door slammed behind her, Lorna pressed her phone to her ear. It rang three times before the voice on the other end picked up. "Nicky?" Lorna whispered, flying down a flight of stairs. She always avoided the elevator - it reeked of alcohol and body odor, and it made her feel claustrophobic. "Are you free?"

"Nope," Nicky replied on the other end. Everything Nicky said always sounded effortless, like it rolled off of her tongue without a second thought. "I'm priceless, baby."

Lorna didn't have the mental energy to appreciate her wit. A strangled sob escaped from her lips and she tried to muffle it. "I really need to see you, Nicky."

Nicky sobered. All traces of levity were gone from her voice as she sat up and furrowed her brow at Lorna's tone of voice. She sounded desperate. "What's wrong?"

"I can't talk on the phone," Lorna said, shaking her head. "Meet me at the Starbucks near my apartment."

Nicky nodded though Lorna obviously couldn't see. She was processing the information and trying to piece together why Lorna was so upset. "I'm on my way."

Lorna sat alone in the back of Starbucks, nursing a latte as she watched out for Nicky. When the blonde finally arrived, she rushed through the door. The urgency in her walk made Lorna smile despite everything and she waved her over.

"Hey, Morello," Nicky said softly, sliding down onto the chair across from Lorna. She looked down at the drink Lorna had ordered for her - a caramel frappuccino. She took it with a smirk, despite her worry. No-one had ever remembered her drink order before - not unless you counted Red, and moms don't count in things like that. "What trouble are you in now?"

Nicky had only been joking, of course, but the tears that seeped from Lorna's eyes told a different, much darker story. She pulled one of the pregnancy tests from her bag and passed it to Nicky wordlessly. Nicky's brow furrowed, and then realization dawned on her.

"I'm holding a stick that you've pissed on." Nicky didn't drop it, though, and instead stared at the window until the words blurred. Her head span and she placed it down on the table. "And...it's positive. Fan-fucking-tastic." She barked a laugh. "Lucky I'm not a guy. I'd be asking if I was the dad. It _is_ Vinny's, isn't it? You're not cheating on him with two people?"

Lorna snatched the test back and shoved it into her bag. "Of _course_ it's Vinny's! How dare you ask me that!"

Nicky scoffed. "You're not exactly a beacon of morality!" She shook her head, ignoring the stares that were directed towards her and Lorna. "I can't believe you've been so stupid. Why, Lorna?" Nicky stares out of the window, watching the people out of the window who were blissfully unaware of her strife. Her guard dropped a little as she whispered, "I thought you wanted to be with _me."_

Lorna softened. Nicky's vulnerability was easy to see, and she understood why she was being so nasty now. "I _do_ want to be with you, honey."

Nicky pushed her hair back, straightening in her chair. "Then why did you do this? Are you that fucking short sighted?"

"No," Lorna said quietly, trying to push down the hurt that she felt. "It was an accident, Nicky." She fished in her bag and pulled out a blister pack of pills. "I'm still on the pill."

"You're a scatterbrain. You probably forgot a couple. Congratulations," Nicky said flatly. She drained her coffee. "I guess the problem was you can't see me anymore, then."

"What?" Lorna cried. "Of course not, Nicky. The problem is this!" She gestured down to her stomach in disgust. Then she started sobbing again, and Nicky took her into her arms.

"What? Is there something wrong with it?" Nicky asked. She had assumed, like before, that Lorna would be over the moon to have another lasagna in the oven. Nicky's voice was soft and she combed her fingers through Lorna's hair. "You can tell me, Lorna. You know that."

"No," Lorna gasped through tears. "You're gonna think I'm a terrible person - and I _am!_ You're gonna hate me, everyone is."

Nicky laughed at the preposterous statement. "I could never hate you. What is it?"

Lorna couldn't bear to look up at Nicky. "I don't want this baby."

The words hung in the air. "Of course you do," Nicky said. "You've always wanted a houseful of brats. What about Aurora? You're a natural."

"I don't," Lorna insisted, letting hot tears fall. If she said how she really felt, she was afraid Nicky would think she was evil, or insane...but the thought of having to play happy families made her want to throw herself in front of a bus. "I want it to go away."

"It's just the shock," Nicky reasoned. "You'll love it once it's here."

"No," Lorna said. She sat up and looked Nicky straight in the eye. "Aurora was a surprise. But I loved her from the _moment_ I knew she was coming. It's different this time. I don't _want_ it!" Her voice rose hysterically.

Nicky watched her warily. She'd never seen her this upset, not even when Christopher visited her. Not when they'd been split up when she went to max. It was frightening. "Okay," Nicky said finally, kissing the top of her head. She bit her lip. "We're gonna sort this out, Lorna. I'm gonna make everything okay."

"You won't leave me?" Lorna asked. Nicky felt her heart break. Not only for Lorna, but for herself. The thought of Lorna having another baby with Vinny broke her. It made her confidence shatter into a thousand pieces.

Nicky pulled Lorna closer, hoping she couldn't feel her thudding heart. "Never."

 ** _A/N: Hi guys! I hope you liked this.  
Please leave me a review telling me what you thought - I appreciate every single one.  
Tomorrow's the big day! Are you all excited? I'm so ready to watch!_**


	4. Chapter 4

Stepping out of the shower, Lorna squinted at the mirror. She dropped the fluffy white towel Vinny had left out for her. Her abdomen had taken on a slight curve, her body already changing to accommodate the life she was growing inside. Instead of it making her burst with pride like it had when she was expecting Aurora, the growth of her belly repulsed her. How many weeks was she, now? She hadn't tracked the days like she had before. Everything she did was an attempt to distance herself from it, to pretend that it wasn't really happening.

"Lorna! Are you almost done in there? I need to get to work!" Vinny's voice interrupted her thoughts and she didn't have time to dwell on her grief. Despite all the distractions in her life, the bad feeling remained at all times. It was a little voice in the back of her head, telling her how badly she'd messed up. It was flashes of horrific scenarios when she closed her eyes.

"Yes," she called back with a sigh. Picking up the towel, she roughly dried herself off and shimmied into the outfit she'd already picked out. Despite her tiny bump, the skirt hung loose off of her small frame. She frowned as she adjusted it. Taking a deep breath, Lorna eased the door open. Aurora was sat outside, her big brown eyes immediately locking with her mom's. Her face lit up when she saw Lorna, a smile tugging her lips heavenward.

"Hi, mama!"

Lorna felt the knots in her stomach tighten. She swallowed hard and pushed down the feelings of worthlessness that plagued her. For weeks she had cried until there seemed to be no tears left, her throat raw from the screams into her pillow. Now she just felt numb when she thought about it. But looking at her baby girl, she burst with love. It made her feel even worse for the revulsion she felt for the new life inside of her.

"Hi, baby," Lorna murmured. She scooped Aurora up, smothering her face in kisses. She wiped the crumbs from around her daughter's mouth. "Did Daddy give you breakfast already?"

"Mhm," Aurora said, nodding happily. "Pancakes!"

Lorna's chest heaved. Vinny was such a good father; it was the one thing she couldn't fault him on, even if she tried. It made her feel even guiltier about not wanting him near her. For the past few weeks she couldn't even stand to have him touch her. Every time he tried, she flinched and pushed him away. He was a good father, but he wasn't a good husband, not for her. For some girl, he'd be perfect. But for Lorna...well, she wanted to be with ' _some girl',_ not be her for her husband.

Vinny was waiting at the front door when she emerged, holding the baby. Lorna carefully set Aurora down and took the baby, letting Vinny place a tender kiss on her cheek. She used all of her willpower not to pull away. "Are you okay, hon?" Vinny asked. His brow furrowed into a deep V. "I know things haven't been easy lately, what with work being so busy…"

Lorna tuned him out. The fact that work had been so busy was a blessing from the gods, as far as she was concerned. Everything was easier when it was just her and her little girl at home. She didn't have to worry about keeping up appearances.

"Lorna?" Vinny asked.

"Hmm?" Lorna snapped out of her thoughts and was faced with Vinny's concerned face staring back at her. She offered him a weak, unconvincing smile.

He sighed, and took her hand. He didn't seem to notice the slight way she pulled away, and if he did, he didn't react. "I said, you would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you? You've been acting real strange."

Lorna ignored the tears welling in her eyes. "It's probably just hormones," she whispered. She shifted the baby in her arms to give her something to focus on other than Vinny's imploring eyes.

"Oh, that time of the month, is it?" Vinny squeezed her arm sympathetically. "Don't worry, baby. It'll happen. We've only been trying for a couple of months."

Lorna nodded. _If only he knew._ She swallowed, pushing down the guilt. _No._ He could never know. He'd be so happy, and it would kill her. "I...I'll see you tonight."

Aurora slipped her hand into Lorna's, and they both waved as Vinny left for work.

"Just you and me now, huh?" Lorna asked, swinging Aurora's hand as they walked into the living room.

"And the baby!" Aurora corrected.

"What?" Lorna stammered. Her head span - how could Aurora possibly know? God knows she'd said nothing to indicate her pregnancy, and Vinny knew nothing about it...didn't he?

Aurora was nonplussed, unaware of her mother's acute distress. She nodded enthusiastically, pigtails swinging. "Luca's here, mommy."

The blood that had rushed to her head in her panic seemed to go back to her body, and she breathed out in relief. ' _The baby'_ had been consuming her thoughts so frequently and intensely lately that she forgot that there was a real, live baby in her arms.

"Of course," Lorna breathed. "Clever girl, that's right," she said weakly.

The hours ticked by painfully slowly. By lunchtime, Lorna's state of mind was growing more and more fractured. After giving both children their lunch, Lorna started to put them down for their naps. First, she picked up her daughter and settled her into her bed.

"Goodnight, mommy," Aurora said softly, her eyes closing. Lorna stroked her forehead, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," Lorna murmured. She tucked the blanket around her daughter tighter. "You know that, don't you? Mommy loves you so much."

Aurora nodded, and Lorna gave her one last kiss, leaving a lipstick print on her cheek. Slowly, she went out of the room and turned the light out, leaving her little girl to sleep. "Goodnight, honey."

Then she took the baby from his bouncer and rocked him until his eyes began to close. As tranquil as the baby looked, Lorna still didn't feel at peace. In fact, she felt far from it. She placed him into his crib, smoothing down his tufts of dark hair.

After being satisfied that the two children were taken care of, Lorna picked up her phone and punched in Vinny's number. It rang a few times before Vinny picked up, his voice cheerful as always. "You okay, babe? I'm a little busy, but -"

"You need to come home," Lorna interrupted.

"Why?" Vinny asked. His upbeat tone had been replaced by one of fear, and he was beginning to panic. "Is it the kids? Is everything okay?"

Lorna cut the line. As if on autopilot, she grabbed her bag and shrugged on a jacket. It wasn't even her jacket; Franny had left it there the previous day, and Lorna had even said that she hadn't liked it. But that didn't matter now. She headed for the door, and without a second thought for the babies she was leaving alone inside, power walked in the opposite direction to her apartment.

She didn't know where she was walking to - all she knew was what she was walking away from. The trees rustled wildly in the wind and the streets were almost empty. The brunette walked against the wind and the spits of rain, only stopping to pull her jacket tighter around her. When she finally stopped, she found herself on an overpass.

Lorna sniffed, attempting to stem the tears that fell. The cool air was refreshing, but she knew that eventually she'd have to go back home. Back to where she couldn't breathe. Back to where everyone needed her for something and _she_ had to be the strong one. It was fucked up, but she longed to be back in Litchfield. She felt safe there, with Nicky holding her…

 _Nicky._

Lorna pulled her phone from her pocket. Dozens of missed calls from Vinny flashed on the screen, but she ignored them. She deleted the texts from Franny without even reading them. Within a few moments she held the phone to her ear and was listening to the dialling tone.

"Hey, doll," Nicky answered. "What's up?"

"Nicky," Lorna answered, closing her eyes. Even the sound of the blonde's voice was calming to her, and she placed her hand on the cold concrete of the overpass as the cars rushed by. "I miss you."

Nicky strained to hear what she was saying. "Where the fuck are you?" Nicky asked. "I can only hear cars."

Lorna shook her head. "I don't know." Lorna opened her eyes. She watched the cars zooming by, letting out a shaky breath. "I've done something bad," Lorna confessed, casting her eyes towards the sky. Gray clouds greeted her. "I always mess shit up."

"God, what are you talking about?" Nicky asked. She was growing concerned about Lorna. Over the past few weeks, she'd met up with the brunette a number of times. Mostly to be a shoulder to cry on, or to be a... _comfort_ to her. Their visits had only compounded her worry, but she didn't want to interfere too much. She was afraid that if she didn't back off, then Lorna would push her away. "Of course you don't."

Lorna sucked in a breath. It sounded more like a shuddering gasp due to the tears, but it made her head feel less light. It didn't make Nicky less worried though - the opposite, in fact.

"Listen, Lorna...where are you near? Let me come get you," Nicky pleaded. "I know you said you didn't know where you were, but look around," she said firmly. "Tell me what you can see."

"I'm on an overpass," Lorna said, rolling her head and rubbing at the back of her neck. She sighed deeply. "You don't need to come get me, Nicky...everything will be okay." Lorna looked out at the distance, breathing in the fresh air. "I have to go."

"Wait, Lorna," Nicky stammered, and unlike with Vinny, Lorna didn't hang up the phone. She held it all that bit tighter, and waited for her to finish. "Please...just look around," she repeated. "What are you near?"

Lorna focused. "Uh...an Italian restaurant. There's a row of stores. A hotel. I don't know, Nicky.." Lorna shook her head, trying to shake off every emotion that was coursing through her veins.

Nicky nodded. "I think I know where you are. Stay there, okay? Don't move."

Lorna closed her eyes and shoved her phone back into her pocket. The rush of traffic gave her something to focus her mind on. Every week that passed, the _thing_ inside her was growing bigger and stronger. Vomit rose in her throat as she realized that by now, it had a heartbeat. Her own heart thudded at the realization. Her fist balled up on her stomach. Instead of gently caressing her baby's home for nine months like she had with Aurora, she tapped on her belly. The taps grew stronger until she was almost punching herself, and her cries grew hysterical.

She edged closer to the brink, knowing that if she opened her eyes she'd feel sick at the sight of how high she was. When she felt the wind whipping her hair back into her face, she finally snapped her eyes open. She wobbled on the thin bar she was now standing on, and took a deep breath.

Lorna looked down at the road, gripping onto metal bars at her sides. This was it - _the end._ She'd kissed her daughter goodnight, and she was tucked up in bed. Everything was taken care of. She bit her lip. "One...two…."

"Lorna," Nicky breathed. She grabbed the brunette as she launched herself forward, pinning her to the ground. "What the _fuck_ , Lorna?!" Nicky yelled breathlessly. She threw her arms around the only girl she'd ever loved, holding her tight. Nicky's own bravado fell apart at her feet, and she felt the panic rising in her chest. The only thing that felt real was the freezing cold ground touching the bare skin of her legs.

 _If she'd been a minute later…_

"What were you _thinking?"_ Nicky screamed. She shook Lorna, who had fallen apart by now too. Lorna's tears mingled with Nicky's as she kissed her cheek, willing her to snap out of this. "What would I do without you?"

Lorna shook her head, pushing Nicky away. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand, for once not worrying that her mascara was running and that the wind had wrecked her previously perfect messy bun. "You'd find someone who treats you right."

"I don't want someone else! I want you, Lorna! And I want you to stay fucking alive!"

Lorna's sobs grew harder. "I'm sorry, Nicky, I'm really sorry," she cried. Nicky took a second to breathe, the scent of Lorna's familiar perfume permeating the air around them and calming her.

"It's okay," Nicky soothed. "I'm sorry, you just scared me. Don't you see how much you're worth?" She felt Lorna shaking her head against her chest, but chose to ignore it. Nicky pushed back Lorna's hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Are you okay? Did I hurt anything on the way down?"

"No," Lorna managed. She looked guiltily up at Nicky. "What are you gonna do now?"

"I'm gonna get you some help," Nicky said firmly. Lorna started to interrupt, but Nicky put her hand up. "No. Don't argue. Do you expect me just to let you go back to your life? And then when I'm not looking, end it? I'm not gonna let that happen."

Nicky helped her down from the ledge she'd climbed up on. "Come on," Nicky murmured, slipping her arm around Lorna's waist. She hailed a cab to the side of the road and helped Lorna walk to it. Both women felt exhausted, mentally and physically.

Lorna slipped out of Nicky's grasp as Nicky gave details to the cab driver. She watched the blonde for a moment, her face a mix of regret and longing. And then she ran in the opposite direction, across a busy road. She could barely see with her hair billowing in the wind and the light fading.

"Lorna! Lorna, wait," Nicky called. She reached out, her curls whipping as she sprinted towards Lorna and the traffic. Everything seemed to slow down. As she reached the edge of the traffic, Nicky stopped. She steadied herself on a bollard and held her breath as Lorna ran in the road, narrowly dodging one car after another. And then she turned towards Nicky, like a deer in the headlights, in the middle of the road.

Nicky tried to move, but her legs felt like concrete and she stayed in the same place. Her eyes locked onto Lorna, and they both noticed it at the same time. The car that was headed Lorna's way. Nicky didn't know if she still wanted to die, or if her legs just felt the same as her own, but neither of them moved until Lorna was on the ground. Her body was thrown like a ragdoll through the air, and she landed some feet away from where she'd been hit.

Nicky could hear screaming. It took her a minute to realize that it was her own voice, strangled and haunted, that sounded above the other concerned yells. Someone wrapped their arm around Nicky, noticing her distress, but she pushed them off and ran to Lorna.

"Lorna!" Nicky screamed. She was instantly by Lorna's side, and she wondered why her legs could suddenly move again when they couldn't a moment ago. She fell to the floor next to Lorna's crumpled body, and cradled her head.

"Don't touch her neck," someone behind her said. Nicky didn't move her, but gently trailed her fingers down Lorna's forehead.

"Somebody call for _help,_ " Nicky pleaded. "Lorna...don't go. Hold on, baby." Lorna's eyes were closed, and Nicky wanted to shake her. She needed to see that sparkle in her eye. She desperately tried to picture it in her mind, willing herself to believe that she'd see it again soon. "Please, Lorna...don't leave me."


	5. Chapter 5

Nicky stood in the waiting room. Shivers wracked her whole body, and she felt like she was in detox again. Nothing she did seemed to ease the shaking, the trembling of her fingers. She'd already thrown up in the bathroom twice, forced to take a hard long look at herself in the mirror afterwards. Black circles underlined her eyes, and as she stared into them, she felt only repulsion.

Why couldn't she save her? Why hadn't she noticed it had got so bad?

The blonde pulled at the hair on the back of her neck as she paced up and down. Shock, they'd said. It can do funny things to a person. Well, Nicky's life had been full of shitty surprises, but this was completely unprecedented. It had floored her.

Was this how Lorna felt when she was shooting heroin into her veins? Is this how Red felt? She didn't know, but the thought made her weak at the knees.

"Lorna Muccio," someone squeaked at the front desk, her name blurring into one long sound as they breathlessly and desperately asked for her. "She's my sister, I need to see her."

Nicky's head snapped up. "Franny?"

Franny looked over, a baby in a car seat looped one arm and a toddler hanging off of the other. To say she looked stressed was an understatement. Tightening her grip on Aurora's hand, Franny said, "What are _you_ doing here?"

Nicky's face flushed. "I…" she closed her eyes. "I was there, when...you know."

"No," Franny snapped, oblivious to the fact that Aurora flinched at the sudden noise. Nicky attempted a smile for the little girl with eyes just like her mother's, but it did nothing to calm her fears. "I don't know anything. I just got a call from Vinny, who got a call from the hospital…" she eyed Nicky. "What's happening?"

Nicky scratched the back of her neck. "Eh...you'd better find out from the doctors."

In truth, she wanted to know more than anyone, but they wouldn't tell her anything. _You're not family,_ they'd kept saying, hammering the point home...it broke her a little more each time they said it, but she tortured herself by asking again and again.

"I'm trying," Franny hissed. Then she dropped Aurora's hand to cover her face, leaving the toddler looking utterly bewildered. "I'm sorry," she said, breaking down. "I just need to see her, and Vinny is stuck at work...I can't take the babies in, so she'll have to be alone."

Nicky perked up. "I can-"

"You'll take the babies?" Franny blurted. She quickly slipped Aurora's hand into Nicky's and gently transferred the carseat to Nicky with the other hand. As she rushed off, she called back. "Thank you so much, Nicky, she really needs me right now."

Nicky deflated. "She needed you _yesterday,"_ Nicky muttered. Then she looked down to meet the big pair of eyes looking up at her, quickly filling with tears.

The toddler lifted her free hand in the air, tangling it in her hair. "Where's mama?"

Nicky led the toddler to a row of empty seats, sitting down and pulling her onto her lap. "Mama is seeing a doctor, okay?"

She had no idea how much the little girl understood - she had never been around babies. All she saw was the tears welling in her eyes and the way she sniffed. Nicky chewed the inside of her cheek.

"We'll see her soon," the blonde reassured her, squeezing her hand gently. "For now you'll stay with me. Do you remember who I am?"

There was only silence from the little girl who still didn't look reassured. She sucked on her thumb nervously.

Nicky smiled again, and with forced brightness, said, "I'm your Auntie Nicky."

* * *

"Lorna?" Franny asked, her voice wobbly. Her sister was sitting in a bed of white, her eyes closed ominously, and the older girl wondered if it was really her. She looked so different, so tiny...so out of it. One arm was in a sling, and the other wrist was shackled to the bed. Franny covered her mouth with her hand, stifling the cries.

Lorna peeked an eye open. It looked like it took a tremendous effort, and it quickly closed again after seeing her guest. Franny threw herself to the bed, ignoring the wincing that came from Lorna. "You threw yourself in front of a _car?"_ she cried.

Lorna swallowed. The pain in her arm was nothing compared to what she felt inside her own head. The doctor had fixed her arm into a sling and given her a mild sedative and painkillers, but they'd done nothing but numb her. The pain still broke through, chipping away at her like a woodpecker. She thought about saying it was an accident...but it wasn't. And she _still_ wished that the car had ended it all.

"What was going through that pretty little head of yours, huh?" Her voice was softer, and she'd sat up. She raked her fingers through Lorna's hair, wincing as she felt glass shards in the strands. "You've got so many people who love you. Me, Vinny, Aurora, little Luca..and Nicky," she added reluctantly, jerking her chin in the direction of the door. She held back the fact that she'd left them all behind in their apartment, including their precious babies. It was a hard fact to swallow, and she pushed down her ager.

Tears streamed down Lorna's face. "I want to see-"

"Vinny," Franny said tersely. "You want to see your husband, don't you?"

Lorna blinked. _No,_ she wanted to say. _I want to see Nicky, and only Nicky._ But instead she nodded uncertainly, browbeaten into saying the right thing. "Yes," she whispered.

Franny nodded, a tight smile stretching across her lips. "Good girl, Lorna."

The older woman stood, patted her sister one last time, and then swiftly exited the room. The only sound was her heels clacking against the cold tiles of the hospital floor as she went to find Vinny.

She found him at the front desk, begging to be taken to his wife. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to him, glancing over at Nicky on the way over. She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, whispering something in his ear.

Nicky sat up. As Vinny scampered after a doctor, presumably to visit with his wife, Nicky watched. Aurora had cried herself to sleep and now lay softly snoring in Nicky's arms. She was reluctant to move in case the toddler woke, but was desperate to find out how Lorna was. The pit in her stomach hadn't settled at all.

Franny let out a breath and came to sit next to Nicky. Her eyes drifted to Aurora, her little eyelids fluttering in sleep. She looked at Nicky.

"She's okay," she said after a moment. She scraped her hair back, sighing. "I mean, she's not. But she will be."

Nicky brushed some hair from Aurora's eyes, not wanting to meet Franny's eye. She should have protected Lorna; she should have been there to save her. But she hadn't. And now, how could she say she was okay? She _wasn't._

"What's gonna happen?" Nicky whispered, in part not to wake Aurora, in part because she almost couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"I'm not sure," Franny said carefully. Luca's cries distracted her for a moment and she unbuckled him from his seat, gently rubbing circles into his back over her shoulder. "Vinny's talking to her doctors now." She hesitated. "Nicky?"

Nicky looked up. "Yeah?"

"She needs to get better."

Nicky raised her eyebrows. "I know that."

"Do you?" Franny asked. "I think...I think you need to leave her alone."

Nicky's brow knitted together. "What the fuck?"

"Not in front of the babies!" Franny glared. Her sudden sharpness jolted Aurora awake. "I'm sorry, sweetie, come to Auntie Franny," she cooed. Aurora rubbed her eyes and looked up at Nicky.

The blonde held Aurora closer, feeling like she had a part of Lorna in her arms. If she couldn't protect Lorna, at least she could protect her baby. "It's okay, sweetheart," Nicky soothed. "Go back to sleep, hmm?"

Aurora snuggled into Nicky's hair. Above her head, she continued to glare. After the little one's eyes had closed and her breathing evened out, Nicky continued. "She needs me."

"I don't have the energy to deal with this right now."

"Well, you'd better fucking get the energy." Franny didn't comment on her cursing this time, looking wearier than ever, and Nicky pawed at the tears falling down her own cheeks. "Lorna needs all of us. Not just you, and not just Vinny. You didn't help her when she wanted to throw herself in front of a car. Who was there today? _Me,_ that's who."

Franny held her hands up. "You know what? Fine. But you'd better be ready to pick up the pieces at the end of this, because I'm sick of it."

* * *

Lorna held her breath as the doctor strode into the room alongside Vinny, who ran to keep up with him. Her husband's face was painted with worry - the lines on his forehead had never looked so terrible, she thought. He looked wrought with anxiety. He'd been in such a rush to see Lorna that he hadn't even noticed his daughter in the waiting room. Nicky hadn't made herself known, instead slinking down and waiting for the fall out _after_ they'd seen Lorna.

She didn't want to speak to anyone. For the briefest moment when she'd been knocked to the floor, everything had faded to black. The voices in her head telling her that nothing would ever be okay again subsided. Her conscience telling her that she was evil and wicked for not wanting the baby, stopped mid-sentence.

But now they were back, and by tenfold. _You killed your baby, you left your daughter. You killed your baby, you killed your baby! Aurora deserves better._

But what troubled her most of all, was that the thought only brought her relief. There would be no more little kicks to her ribs. No more flutters. And best of all, not another shackle to Vinny. A lone tear rolled down her cheek.

 _I really am a terrible person._

Everything had ceased to exist, and she had too, almost...but not quite. She didn't look Vinny in the eye. Her whole body felt heavy, and her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool. Even if she'd wanted to talk, she would have found it hard. Bunching up the scratchy hospital sheets in her fingers and then smoothing them out again, she tried to ignore both people in the room.

She let her heavy eyes shut, but he still went to her. He always did, and she hated him for it.

"Lorna," he wept, draping himself over her. "Are you okay, honey? Of course you're not," he continued, crying openly. "But _why?"_

He turned to the doctor, who held his clipboard with a somber expression. Vinny held his hands up pleadingly. "Is she gonna be okay, Doc?"

"We're going to keep her in for some observations for the time being. Obviously her mental state is considerably impaired, but you'll be relieved to know that her unborn child is okay, from what we can see."

Lorna forced her eyes open, though the room was blurry. Vinny couldn't seem to find the words, and Lorna had no intention of filling the silence. Her whole body suddenly felt ten times heavier, like her wrists and ankles were being weighed down.

The doctor tapped his clipboard and nodded in Lorna's direction. "You've had a very lucky escape, young lady. Not everyone would escape getting hit with a car with their life, let alone only suffering a mild concussion and broken arm."

Lorna didn't hear any of it. The only thing she heard was the ringing in her ears. Hot tears splashed down her cheeks.

"Her...unborn baby?" Vinny echoed. He blinked a few times, taking it in. He suddenly turned to her, his eyes bright. She didn't know if it was excitement or tears welling in them. "Lorn, did you hear him? Our _baby!_ We're having another baby!"

Lora said nothing. She turned her head away from him, letting salty tears run down her cheeks. Vinny's brow creased. "Aren't you gonna say anything?"

"My neck hurts." She sniffed, her voice thick. It caught in her throat, wispy and pathetic in the large room.

The doctor's eyes softened. He said no more about the baby. "Probably whiplash. The pain meds should take care of that, although do mention it to the nurses if it doesn't improve."

Vinny's grip on the bed tightened, his knuckles turning white. "Is that really all you have to say?" He slammed his hand down, making everyone jump as the metal rattled and echoed.

The doctor straightened. "I'm going to need you to calm down, sir. If you can't then I'm going to have to ask you to remove yourself."

"Please leave," Lorna murmured.

Vinny sucked in a breath. "You don't mean that, baby," he said, his voice cracking. He tugged at his tie, feeling like it was tightening around his neck like a noose. "I didn't mean to shout. Everything is gonna be fine, honey," he rambled. "Our baby is fine, you don't have to worry. And Aurora's fine too," he reassured her. "Please let me stay, Lorna. I'll do anything for you, you know that. What do you say?"

His eyes were as pleading as his words, but she still wouldn't look at him. Instead, she flipped over. Ignoring the lightning bolts of pain shooting all throughout her body, she locked eyes with the doctor. "Please make him leave."

The doctor shifted his weight to his left leg, nodding uncomfortably. "Perhaps it would be best if you came back in the morning, when Lorna is feeling better."

"And what if she takes off again?" Vinny demanded. "What then, huh?"

The doctor sighed. "Mr Muccio, your wife is in the best hands possible. Due to the nature of her injuries and her current mental state, we can hold her for 72 hours. Please try not to worry."

Vinny nodded tightly. "Lorna, I will be back in the morning. I will always come back for you, okay?"

Lorna rolled her eyes. She listened for his footsteps, and heard him talking in hushed tones with Franny.

The doctor turned to Lorna. "Is there anything you need before I go, Mrs Muccio?"

Lorna blinked at him. "Please don't call me that," she said, peeking up at him through eyelashes stuck together with tears. "And yes. Please get me Nicky. I need _Nicky."_

* * *

 ** _A/N:_**

 ** _It's been some time. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
Please leave me a review telling me your thoughts, feelings, opinions...whatever you'd like.  
Hope you're all doing well!_**

 ** _\- Star xo_**


	6. Chapter 6

Franny's gait was robotic as she walked up to Nicky. The blonde clutched Aurora tightly, her cheek resting on the little girl's head. If Lorna didn't need her so much, Franny would have no problem ripping her niece from Nicky's arms and screaming at her to get out. She had caused _all_ of this mess. But instead, she gritted her teeth and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yeah?" Nicky said quietly, trying not to wake Aurora. Even the sight of Aurora sleeping couldn't bring a smile to her lips. Not knowing that anything could have happened to her - or Luca - whilst Lorna left them alone in the apartment. Nicky scanned Franny's face and frowned as she noticed her dark expression. Her blood ran cold. "What? What's happened?"

"She wants you," Franny said, sniffing in contempt. She jerked her head in the direction of her sister's room. "Lorna, I mean. She only wants to see you." She rolled her eyes at herself. "Who else would I be talking about? Sorry. It's...been a long night."

"I know," Nicky said with a sigh. She shifted Aurora in her arms. A dead weight now she was asleep, she was getting heavy. She didn't want to believe Lorna wanted _her_ over everyone else. Was she just the best of a bad bunch? Or was this it, the moment she had waited years for? The moment Lorna was _finally_ choosing her?

"She's not right," Franny said, her voice barely a whisper but still managing to crack at the end. She brushed her hair back. She lowered her voice. "I know she's never been right...not since she turned thirteen," Franny said, closing her eyes for a moment. "But now...I don't know. It's awful, Nicky," she said, and the tears began to flow. She dabbed at her eyes, conscious of the little girl in Nicky's arms sound asleep. "I know she's sick. But I just feel so _mad."_

Nicky nodded. "I know," she said. She raked her fingers through Aurora's hair, wondering how on earth Lorna ever left her little girl alone. There was no way she would ever do that, not in her right mind. She swallowed hard, choking back a sob. "But she needs us," Nicky insisted. "She would never do that if she was well, you _know_ that."

"Lorna," Nicky said, unable to hold back the tears this time. She ran to her bedside, her legs flying underneath her, and grabbed Lorna's hand. She winced as the weight of Nicky's body over hers caused electric shocks of pain all down her limbs. "Sorry!" Nicky said instantly, as she noticed the frown. "I'm sorry, Lorn," she sobbed. "I should have held onto you tighter. I should have _seen_ the signs!"

"You could've held onto me tighter," Lorna murmured, closing her eyes as the tears seeped out. "But I would have just found some other way. Taken pills. Swallowed bleach. You can get heroin easily enough." Her head fell back onto the pillow. "I just wanted it gone," she whispered. "I just wanted it gone!"

"It's over now," Nicky said softly, brushing hairs from Lorna's face. She kissed her temple, her lips lingering for longer than necessary. She looked at Lorna uncertainly. "Right?"

Lorna balled up the tissue in her hand. She smoothed it out, then covered her face with it. She shook her head. "No." Trails of tears ran down her cheeks, dripping down to the bed sheets. Her voice was eerily flat as she continued. "No, it's not."

"...the baby?" Nicky said, forehead wrinkled. "It's okay?"

"It has a strong heartbeat," Lorna said. "I couldn't even do that right. And now I'm stuck with it. _Forever,"_ she sobbed. Her one good arm snaked down to her stomach as she rained punches down onto it. "Get _out!_ Get out of me!"

"Hey! Hey," Nicky caught Lorna in her arms, encircling her. "They'll sedate you, Lorn...and we need to talk."

Lorna closed her eyes. For the first time that night, she spoke with conviction. "I can't go home, Nicky."

"There's plenty of time to sort that out," Nicky said, half ignoring her. "We'll sort everything out, I promise," she soothed.

"I want to go home with you," she said, her voice slurred from the painkillers. "I want to be with _you,_ Nicky."

Nicky was the one to close her eyes this time. She had wanted to hear those words for so long, yet now Lorna was saying them, she couldn't bring herself to be happy. Not here, not now. Not like this. Instead, Nicky forced herself to nod.

"If you get better, then you can come live with me. Of course you can."

"Do you mean that?" Lorna murmured. "Do you really mean that?"

Nicky squeezed her hand. "Always."

Days passed and whilst Lorna's concussion healed, the wounds of her mind were still fresh. Despite this, though, the doctors insisted she was free to go home. Uncertainty was painted over everyone's face as the doctor signed her release papers.

"Why don't you stay a few extra days, Lorna, it'll do you the world of good," Franny begged, Luca on one hip and Aurora hanging off of her other hand. Being in that house without Lorna had been torture for more than one reason, but childcare was an ongoing issue.

"We can cope," Vinny said resolutely, reaching for Lorna's hand. She shied away from him, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Aurora. Despite this, he continued, "I think the best place for Lorna is at home. With her family." He glanced at Nicky leaning against the bed frame.

Upon seeing her daughter's scared and confused little face, Lorna grabbed for his hand again. "Mommy had to get better, sweetheart," she said, her eyes pooling at the way her daughter's brow furrowed. "I'm all better now, though! Except this naughty arm," she joked, waggling a finger at it. Lorna's gaze fell to Franny. "Put her on the bed, please," she said, "I miss her."

Franny ran a finger over her eyebrow, nodding. She hauled the toddler up to Lorna's bed, plonking her next to her mother. "She missed you too."

Lorna reached out for her baby with her good arm, pulling her close. At least Aurora hadn't changed because of this. She was still her gorgeous plucky toddler with those big brown eyes no-one could resist. Lorna snuggled her face into Aurora's neck. "Oh, mommy has _missed_ you," she whispered. Aurora leaned against Lorna easily, planting a wet kiss onto her mom's cheek.

"I miss mama," Aurora said, and that was it - tears began streaming down Lorna's face as guilt rained down on her.

"I've let her down," Lorna said, pulling Aurora closer. "I should have just sucked it up. Been there for her. I'm a lousy mom. Please take her."

"No, you are _not,"_ Nicky said, stepping in when no-one else said anything. She hugged both Aurora and Lorna, reassuring them both. "You've got your whole lives to make it up to her. But look at her. She loves you more than anything. See yourself as she does."

"She's right," Vinny said reluctantly. He reached over and took Aurora. "You can do it for her, can't you?" His voice was pleading. Desperate.

Lorna didn't know. She was willing to try, she knew that much. But not at home. She wouldn't be able to cope. Taking a deep breath, Lorna looked to her husband. "Vinny…"

"Yeah, honey?" Vinny said. His voice was so full of hope that Lorna cringed. Her gaze fell to Nicky. "What's wrong?"

"I...I…" Lorna looked to Nicky. Her eyes plead with her to take over and say what she couldn't. That she wanted to go home with Nicky, instead of her family. It was a wrench, but she didn't know if she could survive back at home. The thought of it made her want to run to the roof.

"Lorna wants to live with me," Nicky said reluctantly.

Vinny choked on spit, unable to comprehend. He blinked for a moment then said, "No way."

Nicky stood toe to toe with Vinny, his stare hard. Waves of guilt crashed in her stomach, churning every single thing she'd eaten in the last twenty four hours, but she stood her ground. There was no other way.

"No fucking way!" he repeated, spitting with anger. He thumped his chest like a gorilla and barked, "She's _my_ wife."

Nicky scoffed, running a shaking hand through her hair. "Relax, Tarzan," she muttered, her eyes flickering down to the small child hanging off of his hand. A pair of doe eyes stared up at her, and she couldn't help but smile, despite the lump in her throat. "I don't want this either."

"You don't seem very upset about it to me," Franny said, her arms rocking her baby just a little too vigorously. "Aurora needs her mother. Look at her face and tell me you can still take her away."

Nicky pressed her lips together. "If I don't, she'll have to visit her mother at the fucking cemetery!" Nicky's anger faltered for a moment, and she looked at Vinny. "You know her," she said reluctantly, because the only person who truly understood Nicky was Lorna, and she wished it was mutual. "She's not been herself, has she? I know it'll be hard for you, but losing her will be harder. And I promise you, she will do it again if nothing changes."

"Please, Vinny...I _need_ this," Lorna said. Her eyes misted, but she was resolute.

A breath caught in Vinny's throat. He wanted nothing more than his family together, all under one roof...but Lorna didn't want that. He hadn't believed Nicky when she'd announced that Lorna was going to live with her, but his wife had said it again to him when he plead with her. There was no changing her mind.

Nicky's voice broke. "I only want the best for her."

Vinny looked up. As much as he didn't want to believe it, he couldn't. Nicky had been a constant in Lorna's life through so many bad things. Despite all the rejections, she was still here. Yet he couldn't face _one_ rejection. It stung like a thousand wasps. It felt like with every breath, his body was reminding him that his wife didn't want him.

Finally, he nodded. His free hand ran over his jaw, his fingers running over his chin. "If this is what it takes to make her better, then fine." He swallowed. "But this is not forever. Do you hear me?"

Nicky fought the urge to pick a fight. As her next of kin, he would be the one making the decisions. She wasn't about to lose his support before she'd really gained it.

"Don't take advantage of her," Franny added.

Nicky turned to look at Lorna's older sister. A reproachful look crossed her features. "How can you say that?" she asked, shaking her head. "I would _never_ do that. Never!" Her nostrils flared and her cheeks flushed.

Franny relented. She held the baby a little too tightly, so thankful that everyone in her family was safe, and nodded at Nicky. "I know," she rasped. Emotion formed a lump in her throat. "I know," she repeated, shaking her head. She resented Nicky for a lot of things, but taking care of Lorna was something she'd never faltered on. Wiping at her eyes, she turned to Lorna. "Is this really what you want?"

Lorna nodded, covering her face. She looked utterly miserable. "I'm sorry, Vinny...I know you're a lovely husband. You're more than I deserve. You all are." She paused to recover. "But I need this, you know that. My mind isn't right." Her voice rose hysterically. "I need to get better. For Aurora. Aurora and I just need a fresh start, you know?"

"A fresh start?" Vinny echoed. He picked up Aurora, clutching her tightly. The bows in her hair bobbed as she bowed her head, sucking her thumb. "I'm her father, Lorna. You can leave if you want...but you are _not_ taking my daughter."

 _ **A/N: I know it's been a long time and I'm sorry. I hope you liked this chapter though!  
I am going to try and update again soon. Please review and let me know your thoughts. **_

_**Hope you're all well!**_

 _ **\- Star xo**_


	7. Chapter 7

Nicky helped Lorna slide into the car, and then slid into her own side wordlessly. Lorna stared out the windshield ahead, her eyes remaining unseeing. It pained Nicky to see her like that, but what could she do? One thing and one thing only would make her pain go away - and that was something Nicky would never be able to grant her. Her daughter.

Nicky placed her hand on Lorna's thigh. Her legs were so thin now, the realization as she placed her hand down almost startling her. Yet Lorna didn't even seem to feel it. Looking at Lorna, Nicky had to admit she probably would have made the same choice as Vinny did, had she been in the same situation. She wasn't _ready_ to have Aurora back. It wasn't as simple as the concussion that had long healed - her mental status was in a very rocky, very unstable place. And, Nicky remembered with a wince, she _had_ left two babies in the apartment by themselves. What could have happened to them didn't bear thinking about.

However, Vinny didn't have to watch Lorna being destroyed by his cruel decision. The pain etched on Lorna's face was something that Nicky would not forget in a hurry, and she turned her attention to starting the car to halt the tears that were blurring her vision. She had to remind hersef that this was about Lorna, not her, and that her tears were selfish right now.

She toyed with platitudes inside her head. _Everything will be okay._ Would it? Nicky didn't know, and it seemed almost horrific to promise her such a thing. _You'll be better soon._ Looking at the girl, Nicky truly doubted it. She looked haunted. Not even the makeup smeared across her gaunt features seemed to soften the harsh angles that were now there. She used to be soft, her rosy cheeks round. Now she was angular, sharper. It was obvious that no, she would _not_ be better soon.

As they drove, Nicky instead decided to switch the radio on. She had never been able to bear silence, and the sound of Lorna's ragged breathing as she cried was distracting her from the road so much that she'd already swerved twice. To be truthful, she was glad that she had no children in the car. She sneaked a glance over to Lorna, who was crying even more openly now, weeping into her hands loudly.

"What?" Nicky asked, her voice steeped in concern. She turned to Lorna as she stopped at traffic lights. "What's wrong? Do you need to go back?"

"It's this song," Lorna wept. She clutched her chest, the ribs sticking out conspicuously, and heaved another sob. "Aurora...she loves dancing to this, it's her favorite."

Nicky's hand immediately flicked the radio off. "I'm sorry, baby," she said softly, already feeling like a failure. A sigh forced its way out. "You need to talk to me. Tell me when something's wrong," she insisted. "We can sort your head out together, okay? But you need to work with me. Now, is there anything else you wanna tell me?" Nicky took one hand off of the wheel, lacing her fingers with Lorna's.

"Actually," Lorna began, rubbing at her eyes with the hem of her cardigan. "I-"

Her train of thought was interrupted by a car honking their horn behind them. Nicky jolted; the light had turned green a good few minutes ago without her noticing.

"Shit," Nicky said through gritted teeth, pressing her foot down on the accelerator. Ever since learning to drive upon her release from prison, she'd had a hard time driving when other things were on her mind. Now a thousand thoughts swarmed her head like angry bees, and people were getting annoyed around her. "People are so fucking impatient," she muttered. She looked to Lorna, who looked as miserable as ever. "Sorry."

For the first time, Lorna offered up a little smile. "It's okay. I like it when you act normal. I've missed you, Nicky."

Nicky nodded, staring ahead at the road as her eyes burned. She knew what Lorna meant. Vinny, Franny, herself and even little Aurora had looked at Lorna a little differently since her stay in hospital. They treated her like she was more fragile - which, to be fair, she was - and spoke to her more slowly, like she'd lost her mind entirely. Looking at her, it was hard not to treat her like she was made of glass. Yet seeing that little smile had made Nicky all the more determined to not be like the others.

"Yeah," Nicky said, pulling up outside her apartment building. "I missed you too, kid."

Nicky opened up the door to their apartment, bags surrounding her feet, whilst Lorna stood behind her worriedly.

"I can take a few bags, Nicky," she said, reaching for one. Nicky slapped her hand away.

"Just take it easy," Nicky instructed. She picked up the bags once the door was open and nodded for Lorna to walk ahead. "Take a look around. Make yourself at home."

"I thought you lived with Red," Lorna said, looking around. Hunched over, she looked a lot smaller than usual. She stuck close to Nicky, who she looked to anxiously. "Is she at work or something?"

Nicky set down Lorna's bag on the worktop, switching on the light. She shook her head. "No, she's staying with Maxsim for a little bit...he broke his leg."

"Oh," Lorna murmured. Truthfully, she was relieved to be hearing about someone else's misfortune. Her own was beginning to sound like a broken record. "Is he okay?"

"Yep," Nicky said as she opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water. She slid one over to Lorna and took a sip from her own. "I mean, he's clearly missing a few brain cells, because who tries to sled down the stairs of an apartment building in a suitcase past the age of about thirteen?"

A giggle escaped from Lorna's mouth, and it was music to Nicky's ears. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a smile on her face, let alone heard her laugh. "We used to do that all the time as kids...we'd steal our mom's cookie sheets and grease the bottom with Crisco." She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Thank God I don't bake. It would scare me half to death if Aurora and her brother did that…"

"Her brother?" Nicky's brow wrinkled. She was unsure if Lorna had totally lost it. "You mean Luca? Her cousin?"

Lorna shook her head and reached her hand out for Nicky's. When Nicky laced their fingers together almost instantly, she relaxed. "No, this baby…" Lorna rubbed her stomach, the beginnings of a baby bump forming underneath her shirt. " _My_ baby."

Nicky shook her head, mirroring Lorna. "I don't understand."

"Come sit with me," Lorna said, tugging on Nicky's hand. She led her to the couch, where she sat facing Nicky. Gone was the confidence that Nicky had grown to love about her, and in its place was a shaky mess. Though she tried to fight them, tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Baby, it's okay," Nicky murmured. She brushed her thumb over Lorna's cheeks, wiping the tears from her face. "Just talk to me, okay?"

Lorna blinked back tears. "I don't expect you to understand," she said, shaking her head. "You probably think I'm evil for what I did... _why_ I did it."

Nicky ran her fingers through Lorna's hair. "I _don't_ think you're evil, Lorn...how could I ever think that? You know, you could have just asked me for the money you needed...I would have given it to you. I'd always give it to you. No questions asked - I thought you _knew_ that."

Lorna wiped her eyes. "I just thought...I thought no-one would understand. I couldn't bear the thought of Vinny finding out. He would have been so excited.."

"It's not about Vinny," Nicky snapped. "You almost killed yourself to spare his feelings. What about you? What about Aurora?" _What about me?_ She added in her head.

"Aurora would be better off without me," she sobbed. "She probably doesn't even miss me. Vinny's right, you know...he's right to keep her away from me."

"No," Nicky said firmly. "Kids need their moms. Aurora loves you, no matter what you've done. And I'm gonna get you help, okay kid? Don't worry about any of it. We'll get you a therapist, a really good one...and we'll find a clinic." She could barely look at Lorna's stomach. "We can deal with all of this."

"No," Lorna said, her brow furrowing. "You don't understand. I don't want a termination, Nicky…" she wrapped her arms around her tiny bump protectively. "I'm having this baby."

Nicky closed her eyes. "Let me understand…" she said, snapping her eyes open to meet Lorna's. "The thing you tried to kill yourself for only weeks ago is so precious you want it for eighteen years now?" Nicky tore her hands away. Underneath her shirt, her heart pounded uncontrollably. "I can't fucking believe this."

"You don't get it."

"No, I don't!" Nicky snapped. Her anger began to dissipate as she looked to Lorna. "I don't understand. You didn't want this baby. You _never_ wanted this baby.."

"I wasn't well," Lorna insisted. The drugs the doctors had been pumping her full of were making her feel better, she was reluctant to admit. They made things feel much clearer. And for the first time in a long time, she had felt hopeful. She didn't need someone raining on her parade and glared at Nicky. "You wouldn't understand, you're not a mother."

"You still aren't well!" Nicky reeled from her news and ignored the slight. "What if you get sick again? What if you try to jump from a roof? Or slit your wrists?"

Lorna winced at the possibility, running her fingers along her smooth and unscarred wrists. It was dawning on her that Nicky wasn't saying those things to upset her, and she could see how scared she was. It tore her up that she'd caused that. That she'd caused Nicky, Franny and even Vinny to be scared out of their minds. She couldn't imagine watching Nicky get hit by a car, yet here she was yelling at her for being upset.

"I'm not saying this to be nasty, Lorna...but this is a mistake you can't wish away once he's here. Or she."

"It's a boy," Lorna said. She grabbed for Nicky's hands, and squeezed them tightly. "I can feel it."

"What if you change your mind, Lorna?" Nicky whispered. "I can't lose you. There are so many people who need you...please don't do something stupid and leave us all wishing you were still here. I don't wanna explain to Aurora that I failed you and her...I don't wanna grieve for the woman I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with, for God's sake."

"It won't be like that this time. I promise you, Nicky. I really like my therapist, and she says that I'm making good progress...I wasn't in my right mind. You know that, don't you? Don't you want a family with me? You're perfect with Aurora...if we were together, this baby would be kinda yours too…"

Nicky rubbed her knuckles over her mouth. It was all too tempting. Of _course_ she wanted to raise this baby with Lorna, to be a family...it was all she had _ever_ wanted. But not at any cost. Not over Lorna's safety.

"Please, Nicky. I can't do this alone, you know that...and I can't go back to Vinny."

"I know," Nicky whispered. She was toying with the idea and Lorna could see her weakening. The brunette placed her forehead against Nicky's, bringing the blonde's hand down to touch her stomach. Though it was undetectable to the outside world, Lorna was sure she felt the beginnings of kicks. Tiny flutterings inside her. This baby letting her know it was fighting too. "I don't want to make you go back to him. Because you will, won't you? If I say no?"

Lorna nodded, though shame prickled at her. "I can't do this alone," she echoed. "I'm not strong enough. But I don't wanna leave you, you know that. I just can't pick you over my baby."

"I'm not asking you to," Nicky said, shaking her head. She took Lorna's face in her hands. "I would never ask you to do that. And I would never make you do anything you don't want to."

"Are you saying…?" Lorna asked, a hopeful rise in her voice. She wondered if Nicky could feel her heart hammering. She didn't know what she would do if Nicky said no, she really didn't.

"Together," Nicky said, nodding reluctantly. "We're in this together."

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **Hey lovelies. I hope you're all well. Thanks for the reviews. Please let me know what you think and if you're still going to read on even though the show is finished. Also let me know your season 7 thoughts if you have any. I've finished as I'm sure most of you have...what an ending!**_


	8. Chapter 8

"You don't have to do that, Nicky," Lorna giggled from the couch. She wiggled her toes off the end, admiring the scarlet paint on her nails that was another bit of Nicky's handiwork. It was getting harder and harder to bend down, so Nicky had offered. Lorna didn't need to be asked twice. "I'm a big girl, you know."

"I know," Nicky said, looking up from the seven day pill organizer she had picked up on the way home from work. "But the doctor said it's important that you remember to take them, and you put your phone in the refrigerator the other day." She wrinkled her nose endearingly, peals of laughter filling the room. "Besides, there are a lot of changes coming up. I wanna make sure everything is straight in your head, you know?"

Nicky grinned at Lorna. The significance of today hadn't passed Lorna by, not even with her scattered pregnancy brain. She stared at the boxes piled up around them, with everything they owned in the world taped up inside them.

Lorna nodded her head minutely. "I know, and I'm sorry you're changing everything for me."

"Lorn…" Nicky dragged out her name. She placed down the pill organizer and sighed. "We've talked about this."

The last few weeks had been hectic, but productive. Lorna had dutifully attended every therapy session her doctor had thrown her way, she had swallowed prenatals and pills for her head she could never remember the name of but made her feel like she could breathe again, and she'd felt her life turning around. Color had returned to her pale cheeks, and the glow of pregnancy had well and truly set in. Things were looking brighter, apart from the whole in her life that was Aurora being with her father, and Lorna felt better than she had in longer than she could even remember.

Not only that, but Nicky had found them an apartment to move into. Marka paid her rent every month despite Nicky having found a role in a firm that specialized in addiction therapy. She wanted to help people with the problems she'd gone through herself. On top of that, she was helping Red in the bakery she ran nowadays. Busy was not the word for Nicky's schedule; she barely had a minute to herself, yet she always made time for Lorna.

Of course, the _biggest_ thing that was happening in the coming months was the birth of a new baby. The weeks were rolling by without complaint, and as Lorna's bump grew, so did Nicky's confidence that they could raise this baby together. They wouldn't be alone, she knew that much. Red would help. And, despite her reservations about the two of them, Franny and Vinny would be there for the baby as much as she and Lorna would be. He was still this baby's father and Nicky had no interest in robbing him of that role. As far as she was concerned, the more love this baby had, the better. If she could convince Vinny that the same sentiment was true for Aurora, she would be endlessly relieved. She could see how much not seeing her little girl was affecting Lorna. No doubt it was having an adverse effect on Aurora too.

"I'm sorry, I just feel guilty," Lorna admitted, tears forming in her brown eyes. "I can't help it. I'm taking you away from your mom!"

Nicky laughed softly. "Babe, I'm thirty years old. I'm pretty sure I'll be okay away from Red." Sitting down next to Lorna, she passed her a tissue from the Kleenex box on the coffee table and pulled her into a hug. She hesitated before continuing. "I know you miss Aurora. But Vinny will see how much better you're doing soon, I _promise."_

Lorna looked around at the boxes that surrounded them. "But you never would have done this if it wasn't for me," she whispered.

"I know," Nicky said. "But it's a _good_ thing, okay? Standing on my own two feet...us having a little family." Nicky pressed her lips together, feeling stung. Panic suddenly swirled in her chest and though she tried to force it down, she had to ask. "Why? Are you...are you having second thoughts?"

Nicky looked sideways at Lorna. If she was, then she wouldn't stop her from going home. Honestly, it would crush her, but she wasn't going to break up a family for her own selfish desires. She held her breath as she awaited Lorna's response.

"Of course not," Lorna said finally, shaking her head. She placed her hands over her bump. "I just don't wanna be a burden on you."

"You could never be." Nicky paused for a beat, planting a soft, lingering kiss on Lorna's cheek, and then patted her thigh. "Now, let me take a few more of these boxes down, okay? You just sit tight."

As she watched Nicky disappear out of the door, Lorna heaved herself from the couch. Though she still had a few months left of pregnancy, she was finding everyday tasks harder and harder, and that included standing up from sitting down.

"Oof," she complained as she pushed herself upright. Waddling into the bedroom, she pulled off the pajamas she had never changed out of. They were the only clothes that were comfortable anymore. After her last pregnancy, she'd passed on her maternity clothes to Franny. She hadn't worked up the nerve to ask for them back, and Franny hadn't offered, something that irritated Nicky to no end. Lorna assumed she had sold them on eBay or thrown them out, but it didn't matter to her. It wasn't like she got out of the house much.

Lorna threw her pajamas on the bed and sifted through a box that was supposed to be filled with clothes. A couple of Nicky's old t-shirts sat on top, a little worn with age and a few sizes bigger than Nicky had ever been. It was perfect. She slipped the shirt over her head, forcing it over the bump, and then pulled a pair of leggings from another box. It irked her that none of her usual fashionable and well fitting clothes would do up anymore, but she was grateful that her tiny boy was growing the way he should be.

She hadn't wanted to know the sex at her twenty week scan; he was a he as far as she was concerned, and a mother's instinct always knew, she said. Nicky had humored her along the way.

Lorna glanced at herself in the mirror. She sighed as she ran her fingers through her frizzy hair. But then she flashed herself a smile. It was something her therapist was suggesting to her, to turn every negative into a positive in some way. Yes, she looked like shit, but her body was growing a new life, and that's hard. She snorted a small laugh at the ridiculousness of her reflection and the weird face she had pulled. As she did so, she felt her baby kicking her softly. The feeling brought a genuine smile to her face.

Still grinning, she bent to pick up a small box of clothes to take down to the U-Haul truck Nicky had rented for the move.

Nicky's old faded t-shirt stretched over Lorna's burgeoning bump as the brunette stretched to hold the cardboard box full of clothes, and she craned her neck to look over the box as she saw Nicky re-entering the apartment.

Nicky was relieved, if a little nervous, that moving day was here, and she couldn't wait until they were sitting on the couch, hands entwined, watching some shitty reality TV show Lorna adored. But Lorna should be resting, and she hurried to take the weight off of her.

"Hey, hey," Nicky chastised, swooping in and taking the box. "You should be sitting down. Can you even see your feet anymore?"

"Nope!" Lorna beamed. It was such a contrast from the frightened, cornered woman she was just a few short months ago. Now instead of ignoring the life growing inside her, her hand rubbed against her belly, her fingers dancing on the spot where the baby kicked. "That means I should be good at moving boxes," she giggled. "It's been a while since I've seen my feet," she admitted, twirling a swollen foot in the air in front of her.

Nicky set the box down on the floor of her apartment and took Lorna in her arms. She rested her chin in the crook of Lorna's neck. Her hands rested on Lorna's tummy. "He was kicking a minute ago. Now you're here he's all shy." Lorna smiled up at Nicky.

The blonde gently tapped on Lorna's bump. "Wakey wakey, little one. Gimme a high five in there," she said softly.

Lorna giggled, and waited for a response from the baby. He didn't move and she rolled her eyes. "Kids, eh? They never do what you want them to."

"It's okay," Nicky said, trailing kisses down Lorna's collarbone. "He has plenty of time to cause trouble once he's out. Whilst he's in there I'll cut him some slack." She bent to Lorna's stomach and planted a kiss just above her navel. She came to a stand and stretched. "Just a couple more boxes. You sit here, I'll get them."

"Okay," Lorna agreed reluctantly. Truthfully, she didn't want to sit alone in this new apartment. It was so quiet. Ever since the split, Vinny had insisted that Aurora spend most of her time with him. Franny backed him up, of course, telling everyone how unstable she was. It was killing her, and every time she heard a child laughing outside she felt hope rising in her chest, only to be disappointed. "It's alright," Lorna said softly, running her hand down her bump. "We'll get your big sister back soon, I promise. She's my whole world. And she's gonna love you, baby."

Lorna swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. Every time she thought of throwing herself in front of that car, every time she blinked and remembered the hatred she'd felt for her baby, it sickened her. For the first few months of him being formed, her baby had only felt fear and hatred. Disgust. It made her stomach tie up in knots. "I'm sorry about everything," Lorna whispered. "I wasn't well. But I'm back on track now," she said firmly. "And I will protect you with everything I have. I'll spend my life making it up to you."

Nicky stood in the doorway. She'd listened to some of Lorna's speech to her unborn baby, and her heart heaved for her. "He won't know," Nicky said softly. "When he comes, he'll only know love."

Lorna blinked back hot tears. She nodded, but not because she really believed what she was saying. Nicky seemed to sense that, because she dropped the box and went to Lorna's side, sliding down onto the couch. "I hope so."

"I know so, Lorna." Nicky kissed the top of Lorna's head.

"But what if I'm messed up because my mom drank?" Lorna stammered. "What if _you're_ a drug addict because your mom didn't want you?"

Nicky swallowed. It stung, she had to admit, but she pushed down the hurt and focused on Lorna. "Listen, Lorna...I'm not a drug addict because my mom didn't want me in utero. I'm one because she didn't love me enough when I was actually here. And you're not messed up. It's all chemical."

Lorna hiccuped through her tears, and Nicky pulled her closer. "Are you sure?"

Of course Nicky couldn't be sure, but she nodded. "He'll be okay, Lorn. He'll be okay because he's gonna be so loved. You're gonna love him more than anything. I'm gonna love him because he's a part of you. He'll have Franny loving him," Nicky added, though Lorna flinched at her name. "And he'll have his dad," she added reluctantly. "Because for all he doesn't have...this kid isn't gonna be short of love."

Lorna leaned onto Nicky, nodding. "You're right," she whispered. She clutched her stomach as if she were cradling her baby already. "I can't wait to meet you, little one."

"Now let me get the boxes from the van. There's only a few left now."

"Okay," Lorna said reluctantly. "I need to pee, anyways," she said, shifting uncomfortably with one hand cupped under her bump. "He's always pressing on my bladder these days."

In the time Lorna was in the bathroom, Nicky had the time to take every last box down to the truck. Truthfully, she was feeling pretty proud of herself. Red had offered to lend her Vasily and Maxsim, but she had said she could manage, and manage she had.

"Lorna?" Nicky called, leaning against the doorway. She was acutely aware of the sun setting on the day, and she wanted to get all the boxes over there before night fell. It was a nice enough neighbourhood, but two women, one pregnant, and a truckful of possessions, some rather expensive, shrouded in darkness...it didn't seem the wisest combination.

When Lorna didn't reply, Nicky knocked on the bathroom door. "Lorn? You in there?"

"Yes," came her reply. Her voice was shaking, and Nicky was beginning to worry. "I'm coming out."

"You okay?" Nicky asked, hearing Lorna standing up and shuffling around behind the closed door. The door opened up without a reply, and Lorna emerged. She held up a trembling hand, glistening with bright red blood. Her previously rosy cheeks had been drained of all color, and they were streaked with tears.

"I'm bleeding, Nicky."

 **A/N:**

 **Hey! Thank you for reading. :) I'm happy people said that they would read on after the series finished so here I am with my update. I hope you liked it. Please let me know what you thought. Thank you for the reviews on the previous chapter. They mean a lot to me. I hope every is well. Let me know your thoughts on the new season!**

 **Star xo**


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